Fruits of the Spirit | Love

Love is the first Fruit of the Holy Spirit listed in the Bible. This quality is my favorite so heads up, grab your coffee or lemonade and get a comfortable seat. This entry is a bit longer than the others.  

One of my favorite bible verses, 1st Corinthians 13:13, is where Paul talks about Christian love as he writes “So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Paul makes it sound simple, but it’s a little bit more complicated for me to explain.  In fact, for some people like me the first question might even be “What actually IS Love?” or “How or where do I find REAL love?” The first thing I can say for sure is that it’s the most important ingredient in my lemonade.  Don’t get me wrong, faith and hope are important too.  I’ll talk about those later.  But sit with me as I share a few thoughts on Love.

Some people say that a dog is man’s best friend.  There is a unique bond and unconditional love between a dog and his master. Our dog, Captain Jack Sparrow loves us unconditionally, and we love him the same. This love is a beautiful gift. Other people might say that their spouses or their children are life’s greatest blessings. I can truly say that our daughter Alyssa Lee is the greatest gift of God’s Love in my life. Being her mom has helped me understand the meaning of “unconditional, unselfish, transformational love.” She and I are blessed with a big family who have shared a lot of love through the years. My Uncle Clardy Noel taught us many life lessons.  One of those lessons he taught me was about the blessing of Unconditional Love.  

Uncle Clardy lived a blessed life, even if he did so with cancer in his later years. He would tell you that he lived a good life.  He was a tall, strong and faithful man. One of his greatest strengths was courage, and he wasn’t afraid to show his love for others. My Aunt Nancy and my cousins Sandra, Lee and Bill are a lot like him in that way.  Uncle Clardy and Aunt Nancy were solid as a rock. They represented a strong foundation of love not only for just our family but for others across our small hometown. I cherish my conversations through the years with them both.  I recall one day not long before Uncle Clardy passed away, I was in my own deep thoughts.  I quietly asked him, “How do you know if you really love someone?”  I’ll never forget his honest response. Without any hesitation, in his very slow Southern drawl he told me, “You know you love somebody when you want to put their needs and what is best for them ahead of your own.”  Plain and simple, right? That’s what I thought, and I agreed with him. It worked for him and my Aunt Nancy for over 49 years.  They were just 3 months shy of that “golden 50-year mark” when he went to Heaven.  My aunt giggled as she told me one day that she actually “counts the days they were dating so that easily makes it 50 years.” (She’s the person who taught me about perspective and the “secret to making lemonade.”)  To this day I hear stories about how Uncle Clardy lived his life loving others every day.  Just recently my Uncle Ben Wilson told me about how Clardy “put him first” when Ben expressed his sorrow about Clardy being sick.  In true Clardy style, he told Ben, “Now don’t you worry about old Clardy, he’s gonna be awwwlll right.” And the best part of that story is that we are all absolutely 100% sure that he is. 

For me, it’s important to know that God’s love never fails. (Paul reminds us of this in 1st Corinthians 13:8.)  Some people don’t realize it but there are different types of love.  I have so much admiration and respect for my friend and gifted author, Cassandra King Conroy. Sandra once said, “There are different kinds and degrees of love, and they change over time, ripening and deepening and changing us in the process.” She’s absolutely right. Ask five different people to define love and you might get five different answers, depending in their life experiences. While I’m no biblical scholar by any stretch of the imagination, my friend and mentor John Adams, from Birmingham, Alabama once shared three Biblical concepts for Love: Philia, Eros and Agape. I’ll try to break them down for you in my own simple terms.

Philia Love relates to friendships and family that provide a special sort of kinship, like brotherly love (think of Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love.) It involves sharing similar interests, joy and commitment as we learn to trust others and build relationships through the good times as well as the tough times.  This includes not just your biological family but your dearest friends who are chosen family.  I call these friends my “Familee” (and yep, you know who you are.) No matter what is going on in my life, thinking of some of my Familee always puts a smile on my face.  That kind of Love may not be perfect; but it, too, never fails.

Eros Love is the kind of love that we usually think of around Valentine’s Day.  It’s the kind of love that once made Tom Cruise giddy enough to jump up and down on Oprah Winfrey’s couch during a tv interview.  It’s different from “Valloween” as some of my friends say, which can become a selfish kind of love if we aren’t careful.  Eros Love is more about the attraction to your “one true love.” It is the kind of lifelong love that my dear friends Hyland and Jeffery Camp share.  It’s a strong, honest and committed kind of love. Now I must admit that my own track record in the game of love hasn’t always been the best, but it’s always been sincere.  And the most important thing I have figured out is that you need to have the Philia kind of love if you ever want the Eros kind of love to last.  For while relationships are exciting, challenging and at times really confusing, the best ones are worth the effort. And the fun part is that this special kind of love can be expressed a hundred different ways. Memorable ones include those joyful moments such as hearing someone say they love you for the very first time or sharing wedding vows at the alter with your “one true love.” One of my favorite expressions of love involves that simple yet steady glance and a smile in those quiet times when spoken words are not even needed to express that deeper relationship. Or how funny is it when you both start to say the same thing at the same time, or you finish a loved one’s sentences, followed up with a shared grin or a short giggle?  In my “almost 60-year-old” humbled opinion, if we value and respect one another as best friends, we remember how to belly laugh together, and we take time every day to appreciate one another, this keeps the door open for that “Hallmark movie ending” kind of Eros Love.   This is the kind of seed that when it’s planted and nurtured, it lives on for generations to come.  The kind of love that Aunt Nancy and Uncle Clardy shared…and I’m pretty sure Uncle Clardy and I would agree on that too.

Finally, there’s Agape Love.  Out of the three types of love I’ve mentioned, this is the most important one of all.  It doesn’t just represent a relationship or a feeling (although it can involve our emotions but it goes much deeper). It is more about seeking the very best interest of another. Uncle Clardy knew all about Agape Love. Aunt Nancy walks in Agape Love. Hyland and Jeffery live in Agape Love.  It’s the kind of love that rejoices in God’s name in good times and even through the most difficult of circumstances.  It’s the strongest force in the world and it never loses its power. Simply put, it’s Godly Love. The easiest way for me to explain it is that it is God’s Love FOR me, IN me, and THROUGH me. Again, my friend John Adams once said, “This is God’s deep Love for all creation. It is unconditional (thank goodness), all-embracing and is filled with grace.” Oh, that Amazing Grace, how sweet it is, right?!  It’s the kind of Love that never fails. We were born with it.  It remains with us, even during those times we can’t “feel” it. And sure, I know different kinds of Love can seem complicated in a world filled with distractions, egos and differences of opinions. Trust me, been there, done that, didn’t get a cute t-shirt but I did get the papers to prove it. Love can become complicated.  

So, at times I just need to remind myself that God’s Agape Love is simple, and He hasn’t gone anywhere.  I’m the one who has shifted or gotten distracted.  After all, His Presence is always with us through His Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of God knows the thoughts of God, and helps us understand what God has freely given to us. If we feel lost, confused or alone, the Spirit can create a pure heart in us and renew us. But we must make the choice to accept it. Part of that free will we were given at birth involves making choices. Sometimes for me to make my best choices which includes God’s will, I need to take a long drive in the car or a quiet walk in the woods or across a pasture, or to simply go sit beside the water somewhere to get rid of the distractions and just “let go” of my will to become more open to God’s will.  And at times, I even need to get away from the world for a day or so because just a quiet morning or afternoon doesn’t do the trick for me.  This squirrel has a hard time unwinding most of the time, sound familiar?!  But I know that if I take the time to step away from my cell phone, find that “still, quiet place” to unwind, close my eyes, breathe deep, and listen to my heart, I will come to remember that I am loved, I’m not alone and there is a tremendous sense of peace and freedom in this space.  

Sometimes the best things in life take time and effort. We all have our own path to follow and our purposes in life. It’s important to share your love with others along the way. So, at this point, you might wonder if Love is even worth the effort? I think so, and I’m not alone. Now music always fills my soul, so take a trip down music row. The late Tina Turner sang about the mystery of love in her song, “What’s Love got to do with it?”   My dear friends, don’t ever doubt this…Love has got everything to do with it. And remember what my friend Sandra King said, “It changes over time and it changes us in the process.” Love changes, music changes but the memories last us a lifetime.  You’ve got to remember one of my favorite songs by the 1970’s band Redbone, “Come and Get your Love.” The very beginning of that song makes me want to jump up and grab Brian Hutton (a girl’s greatest dance partner ever!) and go bust a move! I can’t help but sway my shoulders when they sing “Hail (Hail), what’s the matter with your head, yeah….Come and get your love. Come and get your love…get it from the main vine, all right!” Anytime I hear that song a little invisible monkey sneaks upon my shoulder and whispers, “You go girl!”  Even the Beatles told us long ago it is plain and simple, “All you need is Love.” And while it is true that love is not always easy, and there are times we have to choose to love others from a distance, don’t forget the Apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthians, “Faith, Hope and Love…the greatest of these is love.”

So there you have a few of my thoughts on love….it really is simple after all.

The secret to a happy life is love. Love is a choice, one we have to make over and over again.  

“The Great Commandment” sums it up in Luke 10:27. We are told to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, your mind and your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love God. Love your neighbor. Love yourself. And more good news: Paul also tells us in Romans 8:38-39 that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  I believe that with all my heart and soul. And that’s why I know that love is an important fruit of the Holy Spirit.  That’s why it’s my favorite. And I believe just like Aunt Nancy and Uncle Clardy taught us through the years, if we toss a good batch of Love into our lemonade, everything else “is gonna be allllll right.”