Fruits of the Spirit | Self-Control

Joyce Meyer once said that “Love and Self-Control are the “bookends” of the Fruits of the Spirit. Remove one of them and the rest fall over.” I think she’s right about that.

Love is usually the easy one. I’m glad it’s mentioned first. Self-control is the fruit listed later in scripture, and for a good reason if you ask me. Self-control is my least favorite fruit. It is the virtue I struggle with the most, the one I must consciously focus on at times (patience is a close second).

To practice self-control means restraining one’s emotions, actions and desires to do God’s will, not our own selfish will. In life, there will always be people and situations that push our buttons. These triggers sometimes have the potential to send us over the edge. We can’t always control those people or those situations, but we can choose how we respond. That’s the key to self-control.

Now I’m the kind of person who sometimes bases decisions more on how my heart feels vs. what my mind thinks, or what my body or gut feels. I suppose we all react that way at times. Through advances in science and technology we are learning more about mental, emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of life. Personally, I’ve had to learn to balance my life better over recent years. Relying too much on emotions (or even how we think or how our body feels) is like standing on a one- or two-legged stool. Not very balanced. At times that stool gets a little cattywampus (or off-centered for you guys who don’t live in the South), and we may need help with our natural impulses. Otherwise, our actions could send things in the wrong direction and damage relationships, careers and personal lives. Self-control requires us to pause our own emotions, mindsets or natural impulses, and take a responsible approach toward our decisions and our actions. In doing so, we can decide “yes” “no” or “not now.” (Remember that next time you are driving north on I-65 and you make that “quick” stop at Priester’s, Kelly!)

1 Peter 5:8-9 says we are to be self-controlled and alert because the enemy is prowling around like a lion looking for someone to devour. Becoming alert is the key. Then we can make the choice to allow the supernatural strength of God to step in and help us do what we can’t do in our own strength. In other words, we are to focus on doing God’s will instead of our own will… and surrender our selfish desires for His good desires for our lives. And true, there are times when this is a really hard thing to do. For example, I love Mardi Gras season because it’s a time we get to visit friends, attend parties and parades, and eat/drink/and be merry. Fat Tuesday takes on a whole new meaning for me after Christmas and Mardi Gras! But I also love the following season of Lent when we slow down, refocus and honor the greatest act of Love. For it was our Lord’s self-control and desire to follow God’s will that changed the world. Jesus prayed for God to remove a bitter cup, yet he also emphasized that he wanted God’s will to be done.

I can’t imagine the self-control that required, can you?

One seed that requires self-control for everyone to some degree is the bitter seed of anger. There seems to be so much anger in the world today. Or maybe we just see it more thanks to modern day emphasis on technology. The fact is that we all deal with anger at one time or another. Sometimes it just comes and goes. Some people get mad and yell or throw things in the heat of the battle. Sports is a perfect example. Picture one of my all-time favorite football coaches, Nick Saban, slamming his hat down and yelling as he storms up and down the sidelines? Nick is a great guy. That’s just how he sometimes deals with frustration in that environment. Letting off steam. We’ve all been there. Confession time. I remember a few years back being really frustrated about a situation at work that seemed to be getting worse every day. One day, while standing in my office trying to “put out another fire”, I became so frustrated that I threw my keys toward the wall, without taking an accurate aim. My keys slammed right into the chest of Willie Kidd, my buddy and favorite School Resource Officer. Fortunately, we had a solid friendship, and he didn’t take me to jail for assaulting a police officer! While that was not one of my prouder moments, the laughter and tears that followed sure did help relieve my frustration.

Some people get angry and just walk away. They internalize their anger or frustration or just try to ignore it. At times, that may be the best approach. Avoid doing something you will regret later, right? But even in those times, walking away may not be the best solution if we are ignoring something that keeps us from being who God created us to be. For example, there was a time I hate to admit that I was briefly mad at God after losing someone special in my life. I do believe he understood since he created me. And thanks to him I didn’t stay in that place for long. But grief is notorious for bringing out emotions we never see coming. And anger is a thorn that can cut deep, leaving splinters that become infected if we don’t remove them. The challenge is removing them. Everyone handles anger or even day to day frustrations differently. And while all anger is not deep rooted, we still need to deal with it so that bitterness doesn’t spill over into other parts of our lives. The good thing is that I’ve learned that the “lemonade” for me in getting angry is that it gives me a source of energy that can be harnessed and used for good (if I exercise self-control to take a time out to think about the root cause if my anger). Then I can find a better solution. When I can’t do it on my own, I know my Heavenly Father always has my back. The last thought about anger and frustration is that we have to learn to respond in love. Remember, love is a choice. I may have to choose to just remember that I love someone and focus on WHY I love them, not why I’m angry. And while love is not always easy, it is the strongest force in the world. It is the best solution I know of.

Finally, self-control is like a muscle, the more we use it, the stronger we get. When I pass up that extra slice of key lime pie, or I keep a light foot on the gas pedal running up I-65 or I bite my tongue when I want to give someone a piece of my mind, it’s all making me a better, stronger person. One God can use in this crazy world.

And there’s even better news that can be found in

2 Peter 1:3-11. We are reminded that self-control is the way to perseverance, godliness, kindness and love. So, it really is a good thing; it is that other bookend we can’t live our best lives without.

While it may require dealing with or tossing away a few bitter seeds, with the right approach, the fruit of self-control really can make some pretty darn good lemonade.